Tuesday, February 27, 2024 19:26

Remaining Single: Reframing Rejection

Here’s a favorite quote: “Man’s rejection is God’s protection.”  Right now I’m comforted by this quote as I continue along in the dating journey.  I’ve been rejected by people for whom I had begun to develop feelings, and I admit it hurts.  It’s never easy to be rejected, and it leaves me with feelings of sadness and loneliness and sometimes anger.  Sometimes I am relieved when something is over, other times I’m devastated.  Obviously, it depends on the circumstances.  But the rejection aspect of anything that ends is a hard pill to swallow.

In life there are rejections always – work situations, friendships, romances, even with family.  Sometimes I’m the one doing the rejecting, other times I’m the one rejected.  Intellectually, I can see the linear order when it comes to rejection.  Something ends, feelings are hurt, loss is grieved and life moves on.  Would that it were that simple, right?  But actually, the heart, while resilient, also gathers this rejection and struggles to process it.  And the feelings are there and they sometimes manifest themselves in other ways to make sure they are felt and dealt with.

An author whose work resonates with me has written a number of books that discuss the mind/body connection, which of course I’m all about.  In the midst of my dating journey, a new body problem has emerged in terms of pain in my right knee, and I’ve been doing the rehab work to try to strengthen it and get it better.  But the pain continues to linger and sometimes I am able to see a direct connection between times when there is a flare up and my thoughts around men and romance in general.  So I know this is a message from the higher power that watches over me about keeping my focus on myself and not get distracted or sidetracked by something or someone that won’t bring long term value to my life.  In this way, I find it possible to reframe rejection.  What a shame it is however, that I had to have a chronic physical ailment sent as a reminder to stay focused on my own direction and forward progress.

As I look back on my overall dating history I can see things like this sent to me before.  Years ago at the end of one of my romantic relationships, albeit a very positive one, I was sent another physical ailment which required attention.  And in that moment I was very clearly aware that my boyfriend at the time was not the right romantic partner for me in a permanent way.  He was not able to be helpful to me in this very painful experience, which I was left to go through by myself.  At other times with other men, I’ve been sent physical obstacles and I can see now that these came to me to remind me of the importance of my own life.  And each time these things happened, I was meant to go through them on my own.  I am able to go through anything on my own, of course, but I’m realizing now how one of the characteristics I’d like to have in a romantic partner is someone who would be able to be there for me when I’m handed something in my life that creates difficulty.  Is it a requirement?  Not at all.  But it is a desire, a wish and a want.

As with many people, men and women, I have a tendency at times to throw my own life over the side when I become involved romantically with someone.  Each time that was the situation, and I found myself spending too much time focusing on the relationship vs. what I expect, need or want for myself, lo and behold that man was removed from my life.  Whether they walked away form me, or I already knew it would not last, however the circumstance, I was left alone to heal, reflect, regroup and move on.

I’m no longer interested in throwing myself into a  romantic relationship in such a way that it becomes a detriment to the rest of my life.  I am all in when it come to love and romance, but the only way that works positively is if my own life is already in a place where it needs to be – regarding work, activities, physical and emotional health, friendships, etc.  I have been on my own for quite some time and therefore forced to be focused on me and spent time working toward this endeavor.  I did it happily because it helped me realize I am at a place where I know, appreciate and embrace how very special and wonderful my own life already is.  So instead of feeling upset or disappointed because of things that I don’t have in my life, I have gratitude for everything I do have right this moment and each day.  And I am certain that my life needs to be exactly as it needs to be for nobody else but me.  Then and only then will I be sent the kind of romantic partner who will enhance, strengthen, and in all ways add to my life while not depleting anything from me or my own journey.

“Man’s rejection is God’s protection.”  There is gratitude in that for knowing I am responsible for my own happiness, and that all of my life is valuable right now, this minute, and I’m not alone.  It’s a feeling of peace and security knowing there is an order of things in life, and part of that “God’s protection” sends me the message to trust the process, even when it starts as rejection.  .  How this resonates with me and how helpful it is to know that if someone leaves my life, it’s about the purpose of clearing something out of my way, to make room for something or someone else more appropriate to be sent to me.

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