Saturday, December 16, 2017 16:45

Remaining Single: Letting Go of Life Alone

I had my own room growing up as a child. I had roommates with off campus boyfriends the first couple of college semesters and then I had a single room for the rest of my college experience. I had one roommate after college but we had a three bedroom town home and each of us had our own bathrooms. Then at 26 years old I started living on my own, in my own residence. I acknowledge I like my privacy and my time to myself. I admit I really enjoy just being alone.

In all of my romantic relationships, I may have spent time at someone’s home or had them come to my home, but never did I choose to live with a man with whom I was romantically involved. So now for the first time, I’m choosing to live with a man and share space with him in this new chapter of my life called marriage. It’s a little scary to be sure, but I admit it’s something I’ve always thought about, wondered about, perhaps even wished for. I’ve wondered what it would be like to sleep in the same bed with a man every night and wake up with him every day. I’ve wondered what it would be like to come home from work to someone being there instead of an empty house. I’ve wondered what it would be like to share a refrigerator, a closet, a bathroom, a living space, and ultimately a life built by two people together. It’s such a contrast to living my life on my own and for me always a foreign concept until now.

I’m used to making my own plans, arranging my own schedule, having the run of my alone space, being able to do what I want, when I want and how I want. So this whole being with someone else on a permanent basis – especially in a shared residence – is definitely daunting for me. Sometimes I wonder what it’s going to be like to be around my future husband all the time. It’s not as if we work together or are going to be together 24/7, but still it’s quite something to think that after a lifetime of being a single (meaning unmarried person), I’m going to be a married person with all that title implies.

Of course I’m over the moon about this dream come true in my life. I never knew I wanted this so much until it happened for me. I met a man who I knew from the first moment I could build a life with, and that he would be for me as I always hoped and imagined – a strong, confident, secure, vibrant, honest, thoughtful, willing partner for me. And with that being said, as we are in the process of combing our households we are finding out that we work very well together. We see a task and figure out together how best and most efficiently to get it done. I am going to live with a grownup and that’s really what I was waiting for.

There are so many people in the world who don’t know how to function as grownups emotionally or intellectually or in terms of being able to partner another person. I was pretty sure I was capable of being a grownup partner to a man, but I kept running into men who were not capable of that kind of partnership. Some men were closer than others to the ultimate mark but they all fell short until the man who was able to be that partner was sent to my life. And now he’s arrived and it’s pretty amazing and sometimes unbelievable. I am grateful for the gift of this man in my life, and am grateful for every day we get to be together.

As I said above, I was used to making my own plans, being on my own, living alone, being prepared to do that forever if that was what was meant for me. But the hopeful romantic inside me always wanted to believe that a partner would be sent someday to experience the love I have to share. Since that is happening, I can see now that with the right partner, the joining of lives doesn’t need to be scary or difficult or fraught with obstacles or complications. With the right partner, it’s a choreographed dance where the steps are known by both, and it’s in perfect time to the music that only they can hear. Let the music play on!

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