Saturday, December 16, 2017 16:44

Remaining Single: I Got What I Prayed For

What was it about this man that made me reach out to him in the first place? I will never be able to tell you why I chose to hit ‘send’ and let him know I was interested. From reading his profile, I thought we might not have very much in common, but that was never a deal breaker for me, as I’ve known many couples where the two were opposites. Was it his face, his eyes, his smile? I don’t know, but for whatever reason, I thought it would be a worthwhile effort to let him know I was curious.

When he wrote back to me initially, I was impressed because he said he is never afraid to take a risk, and right from the start he was self disclosing which I found refreshing. As we corresponded over the next few emails or so, I kept looking for red flags in his delivery and/or his message but could find none. I suggested we move to a phone call and he was thrilled and encouraged by that. Our first conversation was shortly after our first few emails and on a Saturday evening. What impressed me is I liked that we were both at home alone on a Saturday evening. After chatting for two hours we made plans to meet the following Friday afternoon. He checked in with me by email and phone the day before to confirm our plans.

On the afternoon of our first meeting I arrived at the location first and waited for him. He walked up and we shook hands and started walking and talking together. From the first moment I felt a comfort and safety with him that is hard to describe. I also knew I was attracted to him, I liked the sound of his voice and how he carried himself. As we walked and talked, I found myself walking close to him and the pace of our walk and of our conversation was easy and relaxed. At one point we got caught in a thunderstorm and after a flash of lightning there was a crack of thunder that startled me and I reached out instinctively and grabbed his arm. I had only known this man for an hour and yet I felt safe with him, and somehow I knew he would protect me from danger.

After we walked and talked, we went for dinner, and then he walked me to my car where we stood together and talked for a while, and set up another date for the next evening. We kissed good night and I drove home with a quiet feeling, a calmness inside me, a certainty that this was something special. It wasn’t elation or giddiness, just that calm quiet feeling. The next evening we had another lovely date and we managed to say good night again though neither of us wanted to. Two days later he called and told me he wanted to be all in and see where this relationship might go and was I game for that too? I said yes. By the end of that first week we had said “I love you” to each other (he said it first). By the end of a month I knew I wanted to make a permanent future with him. By the end of two months he asked to have a conversation where he said the same thing. By the end of three months he asked me to marry him and I said yes.

Does this seem fast, like a whirlwind? You bet. Should I have had doubts or been more cautious? I don’t know, because at no point since meeting this man has any of this felt hasty or rushed or in any way unsafe. We are in love, we both feel it equally, and we want to spend the rest of our lives together with gratitude and appreciation for being brought together. All I know is if I could have ordered this man from a catalogue, I couldn’t have made a better choice.

So what was it? What was the ‘magic formula’ that made this one click, that made this situation be what I’d always hoped for? I can’t say for sure, but I do know that I now realized all of the trial and error throughout my forty years of dating served a purpose. By virtue of decades of experience in identifying what doesn’t work, what I don’t want, I was very clear about what would and would not work for me in a permanent relationship. I have been proposed to before, but something always stopped things short of really moving forward. There was always a red flag, a reason to hesitate, or to walk away. This time there was none of that. I listened to my heart and my head and they were aligned, probably for the first time.

I believe in a Higher Power that guides my life, and sends me everything I’m meant to have, whether positive or negative. Sometimes that comes in the form of major challenges, like job loss, or changes in friendships, or the endless stream of dates and romances with men who were so wrong for me. Sometimes my Higher Power has guided my footsteps toward greater joy, like with my move from Pennsylvania to Colorado where I found my true home. I often say that moving to Colorado from Pennsylvania was moving from a life lived in black and white to a technicolor one, and with that came contentment, fulfillment and joy. And all of this awareness happened before this best romantic partner came into my life. All it took was choosing to trust the guidance and follow that guidance to the best of my ability. When I realized I had done that with every other aspect of my life, I was able to do it with the romantic journey, and I was sent the gift of this man. As the title of this chapter states, I got what I prayed for. It was worth the wait.

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